My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
