i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I'm jealous of your bromance
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
