How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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