I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
