Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
