he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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