I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
