yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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