sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
