I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
