She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
