WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
