you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
