he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
that is very illegal...i love you.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
