Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
