how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
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