I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Randomize
