so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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