This girl is more easily done than said...
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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