I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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