I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
