NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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