just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I just want to make out with him forever
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
