Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
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