we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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