At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
