I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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