don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I want a musical about memes.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
