to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
