i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
