I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Pants are for mortals
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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