I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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