you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
