A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
