She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
