If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
stop calling my apartment porn island.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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