apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Everyone says I win the strip club
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
