last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
