end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
not ubering you a puppy
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
