if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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