I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
