it hurts more in the daytime
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
