aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
