were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
