Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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