your thong is hanging out like whoa
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
