I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
