yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
