Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
