Michael Bay diarrhea
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
