I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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