Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
