i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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