Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
