i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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