when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
